


Noise Complaint

by Seventyfiveapples



Category: Bright (2017)
Genre: Bachelorette Party, F/M, Fluff, No Smut, One Shot, Silly, just a lighthearted one shot that ends on a hopeful and cute note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-21 13:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13742289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seventyfiveapples/pseuds/Seventyfiveapples
Summary: Officer Jakoby responds to a noise complaint and finds himself in a rather awkward case of mistaken identity. Shenanigans ensue...I just wanted to post a quick fun piece to take a break from my other multi-chapter Bright fic.





	Noise Complaint

Bachelorette parties were really not your scene. But when your best friend asked you to be her maid of honor, you knew you wanted to give her the best damned party ever.

As you trolled the aisles at the party supply store, filling your cart with anything hot pink, zebra striped, and/or dick-shaped, you realized that bachelorette parties were no one's scene. No one wants to bake a cake in a penis-shaped cake mould and then serve that cake to their friends. _No one_.

She imagined using this cake mould for any other event: ”Did you try the cinnamon apple dick cake? The balls are pumpkin spice!” 

Why did they even make a bundt cake pan in this shape? This wasn’t the Great British Baking Show, you realized, tossing it in your cart. This was Sparta.

You thought of your best friend and reminded yourself: this was all for her, in honor of her upcoming wedding. The thought made you look a bit more fondly at the tiara in your hands, admiring how the rhinestone-bejeweled penises across the crown caught the light. 

It was all hideous, you thought, and she would love every bit.

* * *

 The night of the party was here. After a round of penis Jell-O shots and a rousing game of “Never have I ever,” all the guests were well into their cups. Several women had been singing loudly on the backyard patio and everyone was having a good time.

Only the grand finale awaited. You took a sip of your “penis colada” and took another look out of the window, waiting for the entertainment to arrive.

* * *

That same evening, Officers Ward and Jakoby were the closest when the call came in for a 415 - a Noise Complaint - so they headed to respond. After a short drive, they pulled up to a small house in a quiet neighborhood. There were a few balloons out front: it must be a party if some kind. Just before they parked, Daryl got a call from home. His daughter Sophia was sick and he’d been waiting for an update.

"Damn it - Can you get this one? I’ve got to take this,” he asked.

Jakoby agreed, heading alone to deliver what he hoped would just be a stern warning.

* * *

  _Ding Dong!_

The entire party screeched excitedly at the doorbell.

”Who can this be?!” Asked the bachelorette in feigned surprise, as you went to open the door.

"Why, I just can't imagine!" you responded, matching her tone. You opened the door and... damn! You had requested a police officer stripper, but you didn't expect such realism. This guy was obviously _ripped_. Sending an orc was an interesting touch, you thought. You knew that Samantha, the bachelorette, would be totally into this guy.

"Ma'am," he began in a stern voice that was so deep it seemed to vibrate through your chest. "We've received a noise complaint for this address. Are you the homeowner?"

"Ooh, you're good. Really selling it. She's going to love you!" You whispered, grabbed his hand and leading him into the house despite his stuttered protests.

"Oh, Samantha - I think you're about to be in some trouble!" You told her as the rest of the guests let out a chorus of " _ **Wooo**_!"

"Um, Ma'am, are you the homeowner? I'm afraid we've received a noise complaint. You all are going to have to keep it down,” he told the group. Samantha was eating it up.

"Oh no! What if we don't? Will you have to cuff me?" She delivered the question in a killer flirty tone, but the orc just seemed confused.

You wondered if he was new. Didn’t they usually bring music or something?

"Um, that’s probably not going to be nec-“

He stopped mid-sentence, interrupted as a hot pink penis-shaped balloon bounced off of his head.

“TAKE IT OFF!” Someone yelled at him, sending the group into another fit of laughter and “ ** _Woo_**!”

The officer blinked rapidly and - was he blushing?

A few dollar bills landed at his feet.

* * *

Nick had no blessed idea what was happening. 

The more firm his tone, the louder and more boisterous the group became, yet they didn’t not seem to be defiant, exactly. It was more like they expected him to do something... and he wasn’t quite sure what.

Scanning the decorations in the room, he decided he’d accidentally stumbled into some sort of human female fertility ritual. 

Another guest draped a sort of long scarf around his shoulders. It was covered in fluorescent pink feathers and glittering plastic pieces shaped like male genitalia. Was this part of the ritual? He didn’t know everything about human customs and didn’t want to offend.

He turned to her with a serious look and said, “Thank you, ma’am.”

* * *

 _Ohh shit_ , you thought, as the walkie-talkie on his belt let out a staticky sound. You noticed that his boots were heavy-duty work boots, and scuffed. His strapping, muscular physique was too good to be true: this guy was not a stripper. He was a real-deal police officer.

And her friends were throwing dollar bills at him.

Could they be arrested for sexually harassing an officer of law, you wondered?

As the host and the only (mostly) sober person in attendance, you knew you had to do something.

 _Ding dong_! 

Saved by the bell. This time it really WAS the stripper. You noticed his shiny tear away costume - with shorts - and his (hopefully) professional name of “Officer Long N. Strong.”

Looking at them side by side was a trip. The orc Officer - Jakoby, according to his uniform - seemed further confused by this new guest.

”I understand we have some _naughty ladies_ at this location!” “Officer Strong” called out, eliciting the loudest " _ **Woooo**_!" yet.

The guests barely noticed the switch as you walked Jakoby to the door, stepping outside with him on the front porch to apologize.

Suddenly his face grew concerned.

”Listen: You ladies know that’s not a real police officer, right?”

Oh, this poor, sweet man.

“Yes, we know... Officer, I’m so, so sorry- we thought you were... someone else.”

“To be honest, I’m not quite sure what I walked in on, but I really do need to make sure you understand about that noise complaint. If we have to come back again," he added, casting a wary look towards the house, "it  _will_ mean a citation."

You scanned his nervous face and doubted that any force on this earth could make him walk back into that house, but you nodded to make clear that you understood his warning.

”Of course, Officer. I’ll make sure everyone stays inside from now on. Thank you for being so patient. Listen,” you started, “I’m sorry if we made you feel uncomfortable in there.”

The officer smiled and shook his head. “Not at all ma’am. I wish your friend luck with... whatever she’s preparing for. Just luck in general, I suppose.”

He really had no idea what the party was. You were unable to stifle a smile as you looked in his golden eyes. God, he was handsome. You let your eye contact linger for another second and felt your face flush. In a moment of bravery, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a pen and a scrap of paper.

* * *

 

Nick climbed back into the police car in a daze. Ward just laughed quietly and shook his head as his partner took his place in the driver’s seat.

”Nice boa, Nick. Really goes well with the uniform.”

Nick had forgotten he was still wearing the feather boa covered in glittery plastic dicks. He removed the boa as he responded, folding it and placing it carefully on the seat as if it were a totem of powerful magic.

”Ward, do human women use magic? I think they may have been casting a love spell of some kind in there.” Ward cracked up at this.

“Shit, Nick. At least tell me they tipped well!”

He would ask his partner for an explanation later. For now he felt a little giddy as he thought of... you. He reached into his pocket and unfolded the paper you’d given him, reading it again. On it was your number, and a message:

_**Call me, cutie! -Y/N** _


End file.
